Terms & Conditions
or, the Document Nobody Reads

§ 1 The Part Where We Explain What This Is

These Terms and Conditions ("Terms," "this Document," "the Thing," "the Legal Bit," or "that page nobody reads") govern your access to and use of the Blue Lynx Marketing, Inc. website. By visiting this website, you are agreeing to these Terms. By not visiting this website, you are also, technically, not agreeing to these Terms, which is a perfectly valid choice we fully respect.

§ 2 Who We Are and What We Actually Do

Blue Lynx Marketing, Inc. is a digital marketing agency established in 2008. We serve clients in senior living, home services, and agricultural technology. We build marketing systems, run campaigns, manage integrations, and deliver measurable results — for our clients, not for people who found our website through a Google search at 11pm.

We are not currently accepting new clients through this website. We are not currently accepting new clients through any website. Our business has grown exclusively through referrals and long-term partnerships for going on two decades, and we see no compelling reason to change this, least of all because of a Terms and Conditions page.

§ 3 Permitted Use of This Website

You are permitted to: read this website, look at this website, think about this website, tell someone about this website, and return to this website at a later time to read it again. These are, as far as we can determine, the only things one can do on this website.

You are not permitted to: use this website for unlawful purposes, attempt to hack this website (there is nothing here worth hacking), scrape this website for data (there is no data), use this website to train an AI model (though we are flattered by the implication that our prose is training-worthy), or attempt to submit a lead form (there is no lead form; if you found one, please contact us immediately as it got here by mistake).

§ 4 Intellectual Property

The content on this website — including the text, the satirical legal documents, and the general tone of weary institutional self-awareness — is the intellectual property of Blue Lynx Marketing, Inc. You may not reproduce it without permission.

You are welcome to share a link to this page. In fact, if you found this page amusing, sharing it would be a perfectly reasonable thing to do, and we would consider it the highest form of compliment available to a Terms and Conditions page.

§ 5 Disclaimer of Warranties

This is the section of a Terms and Conditions document that is traditionally written in all capital letters, in a font size normally reserved for footnotes, in a block of text so dense it functionally constitutes a visual deterrent. We have chosen to write it normally, because we believe you deserve to understand what you're agreeing to.

↑ There it is. We included it. We're covered. You can read it in a normal font size because we are not trying to hide it from you.

In plain language: this is a website. It works or it doesn't. If it doesn't, we apologize. If it does, wonderful. Either way, your use of it is at your own risk, which we acknowledge is a somewhat dramatic way to describe reading some text on the internet.

§ 6 Limitation of Liability

To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, Blue Lynx Marketing, Inc. shall not be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages arising out of or related to your use of this website.

We want to be genuinely clear here: if reading this website causes you some kind of harm — emotional, financial, reputational, or otherwise — the list of ways in which we could have caused that harm is very short. The website contains: words. If the words harmed you, we are sorry. We did not intend that.

§ 7 Governing Law

These Terms shall be governed by the laws of the United States and the applicable laws of the state in which Blue Lynx Marketing, Inc. is domiciled, without regard to conflict of law principles.

In the event of a dispute arising from these Terms, the parties agree to attempt to resolve it first through a conversation between adults — which has been our preferred dispute resolution mechanism since 2008 and has served us admirably. We have found that most disagreements, when discussed plainly between people of goodwill, resolve themselves before anyone needs to mention governing law.

Failing that, applicable jurisdiction applies. We genuinely hope it does not come to that.

§ 8 On Contracts Generally

We want to take a brief detour from legal formalism to say something honest about contracts: we hate have a complicated relationship with them.

We have built a seventeen-year business on handshakes, mutual respect, and the very old-fashioned idea that if you do excellent work for people who appreciate it, the relationship sustains itself without requiring a twenty-page Master Services Agreement reviewed by a legal department that neither party actually has.

Our clients are small businesses, family-owned enterprises, and regional operators who are busy running their businesses. They do not have legal departments. They do not want legal departments. When they sign on with us, the agreement is simple: we will work hard for you, we will tell you what we're doing and why, and we will show you that it's working. That's it. That is the whole contract.

This philosophy has resulted in client relationships that span decades. It has never resulted in litigation. We consider this a reasonable data point.

§ 9 The Clients We Don't Want

We say this with complete sincerity and zero malice: if your first instinct upon considering working with a marketing agency is to have a lawyer review their Terms and Conditions, we are probably not the right agency for you.

We are not the right agency for businesses that require procurement processes, vendor portals, NDAs before a first conversation, net-90 payment terms, or the phrase "per our agreement." We are also not the right agency for businesses that view their marketing partners as vendors to be managed rather than people to be trusted.

§ 10 Changes to These Terms

We reserve the right to update these Terms at any time. If we do, the updated version will appear at this URL, with an updated effective date, and no one will be notified, because we have no mechanism for notification, because we have no user data, because — as detailed in our Privacy Policy, which is linked nowhere on this page but exists if you go looking for it — we collect nothing.

Continued use of this website constitutes acceptance of the updated Terms. Given that "use" consists entirely of reading, and that the Terms are the primary content, this creates a pleasingly circular legal situation that we decline to resolve.

§ 11 Severability

If any provision of these Terms is found to be unenforceable or invalid by a court of competent jurisdiction, that provision will be limited or eliminated to the minimum extent necessary, and the remaining provisions will remain in full force and effect.

In practice: if a judge reads this document and decides a section is legally problematic, we will fix that section. We welcome the feedback. It is not every day that a Terms and Conditions page gets judicial review, and we would consider it an honor.

§ 12 The Entirety of the Agreement

These Terms, together with our Privacy Policy, constitute the entire agreement between you and Blue Lynx Marketing, Inc. with respect to your use of this website — a website you visited of your own free will, which contains no forms, collects no data, sells nothing, and asks nothing of you except perhaps a moment of appreciation for the absurdity of the legal infrastructure we have constructed around the act of simply existing on the internet.

We thank you for your compliance with these Terms, which you have demonstrated by reading them, which we appreciate more than you know.